Sunday....of nothing.

I'm thankful for my life ability to hit 'stop' every now & then & just relax. Interpret as lazy if necessary. Could also have synonyms of moping & depression, "wallowing" might come close depending on the moment. My own little weird way of dealing with this for right now. It's close to relaxing, but it's more along the lines of just "shut down". Staring into space & just not really thinking much. This is how we deal with pain in my family. We kind of hole up, tell the world to go away & do it alone. I'm sick to death of telling the story, because I have to relive it each time & it's not helping. I'm sick of the constant motion that the rest of the world (read: friends & loved ones) are trying to keep me in...it's almost as painful for me to pretend I'm fine as to retell the story & then I just have to deal with people looking at me all sad. I just want, for the moment, to sit & be alone. Reflect on what isn't here, what's lost & be sad about it for awhile. It's my grief, no one can make it any better for now. Well, one person could, but he's not & I'm trying to accept that. I'm stuck with some serious confusion about what's going on & if/how/what could've been done & why it wasn't discussed earlier. None of it's doing much good, but it'll help me come out the other side of this.

I'm thankful (list item #2) for my air conditioner. It's HOT outside & I know it's working hard. It's lame, but it's something I'm thankful for & that's all that counts.

I'm also thankful for my puppies. They're sticking pretty close to me at the moment, knowing that something's up. Kinda makes me laugh, but they're comforting nonetheless. They're complicating the hell out of this Cleveland thing, finding a place that'll allow 100lbs of dog (not to mention the shedding or that it's TWO dogs) is challenging. But....the dogs are unconditional love. Vivi's agitated at this disruption - she knows someone is missing & isn't as receptive to me at the moment (my fault, apparently) but the other is sticking quite close & giving me some additional loving.

That's my Sunday. Searching for a place to live, being mopey & reclusive & thinking about what's next. Trying to get off my butt to go to the driving range & then to downtown to pick up my computer/work for the coming week - since I fly out early tomorrow. Back to the grind that I think got me dumped to begin with. Awesome.