I so don't want to look like a fool. I've got to ask God for help. I just want to be happy. I want to be loved, feel secure & valued, be the one that someone wants to come home to. I want to be the one you talk to because you want to, not because you have to.
I have to find a way to let go of a lot of this anger & suspicion. The guilt that come with it is as agonizing as the complete lack of trust in the first place.

Damnit, I just want this stupid limbo over with. I want to either be headed in one damn direction or the other, to be together or not, to know what's going to happen or to just get on with it already.

I miss feeling like I'm in charge of any damn thing. And I'm sick to death of feeling bad about how I feel.

It's just a freaking joke & it's stupid. I can do anything I want. I wish I just had the motivation to do something.