In a better direction.....

It's not all roses. There are stumbling blocks & challenges & things that just keep getting in the way. When I'm feeling great about life & the way things are going & how we're making it all work I've just run into another brick wall. My faith is shattered when I never, ever thought it would be. I'm trying hard to make it go away, to just continue thinking positive & just keep plowing towards the future. It's tough & it's going to take awhile. Sometimes I'm able to forget & other times I can't think of anything else. It's driving me crazy & I can't understand how someone could do that. However, there was a time when I did the exact same thing out of selfishness, youth & stupidity. Thank goodness for maturity....except when you have to deal with someone else's lack of it. I can't explain it & I don't understand how it could happen, but I'm trying. I'm trying very hard. I hope it's put the fear of God into this relationship & I hope there's no doubt that I will not stand for being treated poorly. I don't want to leave & it would cut my world into pieces (again) but I know that I deserve to be loved & cherished & that there's one thing in the world that I don't have to share.
So damnit. Damnit all. I will not lose what I have fought so damn hard for & what I've given up so much for.

There are BIG, big changes on the horizon that are being worked on & obsessed over. In the next couple of weeks we'll see either steps towards the future or away from it. I know what I want to happen & what I'm working on. It's up to others (& a little bit of luck) to make that happen & to endure the circumstances as they are to make it all stronger & happier in the end. If it doesn't work out, I was right the first time. If it does, then I will be much closer to everything I've ever dreamt of. I'm so very scared to be as hopeful as I am. Stay tuned.

Fone Fotos - 5.4.11

Really? I mean, come on. I HAD to buy the SUV.



Shin Soo Choo (or something like that) with a HomeRun against the Royals in the rain. 4/28/11. Thanks Anthem.




I miss being this person. These are most of my finishing medals
(there's a couple that are placement awards...but not many)
from racing & running since 2003.



This is my hell.



Who knew that these evil things still existed?!?
Too bad you have to eat ten to feel like you've
accomplished anything.




Panoramic view of the cute front yard. It's a little skewed, but the app is entirely too much fun.





Grill. Yay.