It's not all roses. There are stumbling blocks & challenges & things that just keep getting in the way. When I'm feeling great about life & the way things are going & how we're making it all work I've just run into another brick wall. My faith is shattered when I never, ever thought it would be. I'm trying hard to make it go away, to just continue thinking positive & just keep plowing towards the future. It's tough & it's going to take awhile. Sometimes I'm able to forget & other times I can't think of anything else. It's driving me crazy & I can't understand how someone could do that. However, there was a time when I did the exact same thing out of selfishness, youth & stupidity. Thank goodness for maturity....except when you have to deal with someone else's lack of it. I can't explain it & I don't understand how it could happen, but I'm trying. I'm trying very hard. I hope it's put the fear of God into this relationship & I hope there's no doubt that I will not stand for being treated poorly. I don't want to leave & it would cut my world into pieces (again) but I know that I deserve to be loved & cherished & that there's one thing in the world that I don't have to share.
So damnit. Damnit all. I will not lose what I have fought so damn hard for & what I've given up so much for.
There are BIG, big changes on the horizon that are being worked on & obsessed over. In the next couple of weeks we'll see either steps towards the future or away from it. I know what I want to happen & what I'm working on. It's up to others (& a little bit of luck) to make that happen & to endure the circumstances as they are to make it all stronger & happier in the end. If it doesn't work out, I was right the first time. If it does, then I will be much closer to everything I've ever dreamt of. I'm so very scared to be as hopeful as I am. Stay tuned.
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