Blessings...

My Mama always told me that if I didn't have anything nice to say to not say anything at all.

I'm taking medication & still feel crazy. I've become a non-athletic person & I hate it. I'm fighting tooth & nail to keep my relationship going. I'm trying desperately to be too many people at once & succeeding at very little. I suppose simply staying alive & going through the motions at some point is success in itself. Maybe success in spite of itself? Maybe itself in spite of success.

None of them are really that happy at the moment. I have a feeling that I make decisions with His guidance & I have confidence that this will turn out ok in the end & I will be better, stronger, happier for it all. Life could be much, much worse & I could have much bigger things to think about on a Monday night. But right now it feels big & that's what matters to me.

I want a break from the worry, a break from the Blackberry, a break from the pressure & to be who I want to be. I want to be responsibility-free for a little while, to remember how sweet vacations are & the squeal of little kids' laughter. I want to see the amazing beauty of the ocean without worrying when my next meeting is or if I'm finally going to miss a flight. I want to laugh with Cory & have the serenity of peaceful sleep.

Life could definitely, always be worse. I'm not forgetting that I'm incredibly lucky, believe it or not. I just feel really lost right now & am fighting my own demons. My own demons are roaring at me & they've got a whole slew of new ones right behind them. I'm feeling inadequate & very alone.

This too, shall pass. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (rinse, breathe, repeat as needed)