Still....

And still, I miss my life & myself. What & who I know I am, because this isn't it.

I still feel like I'm missing something. And as I'm currently in what I'd like to call a "rough patch" even though some would call it success I've got this heightened sense of "missingness" that I feel like something is passing me by.

I'm not sure if it's the career I was 'meant' to have, the family I don't yet have, the love I've had & lost (or given away), the family I do have but is far away or possibly the security of the friends (the rest of my 'family') & home that I'm leaving behind. I'm not sure, but I'm not exactly feeling very grounded in my own presence right now.

I know I miss working out & being healthy, I miss my pups when I'm not with them & I miss the boys (& the rest of my friends). I've got a lot of worry leveled on my shoulders right now & am juggling a lot. I know this. Likewise, I know I'll get through it & keep making the best of it. Once settled I can begin to work out. I get a few days with the girls if I survive another month. I get some quality time with my parents (during which no one will yell - or cry - for at least a little while) soon. The dogs will be with me full time starting in a few days, we'll get that other house on the market soon, I'm officially off the other account starting today & the kitchen table will fit. Once I start working out & get settled I'll make friends, but don't have to lose the ones I already have. It'll all be ok, I just have to keep chugging along.

And the love thing? Well, I'm just playing it by ear for now & trying not to hurt myself. I think that may be the easiest (or toughest, when it comes down to it) part of it all. For now it's certainly the easiest not to worry about & enjoy thinking about.