So ends that experiment....

Spring Purple Hyacinth - 4.26.11

So after about a month of rollercoasters, mostly clear-headed thinking I'm now on Day 2 taking the meds again. Seemed like a good idea at the time....but even though I muddled through the ugly parts at the beginning, when they didn't exactly clear up & I was still causing problems with myself & crying more than necessary I just realized that now isn't the right time to try to "go it alone"....with everything up in the air, things not exactly sunshine & roses either in the relationship OR at work....it was just a bit more of a battle that was unnecessary. So here's hoping I can keep my head on straight & keep to the routine for awhile. If it just smoothes out the edges a bit & takes away some of the insecurity I'll feel much better.



CLE Happy (slightly sodden) Daffodil hiding
from the rain - 4.26.11



Maybe it was just too many things at once? Maybe it just needs to stop raining in Cleveland? Maybe I need a vacation to spend some actual time with people who love me & don't just work with me. Maybe I need to figure out how to leave work prior to 7p so I can actually fathom being active when I get home? There's a lot of things that COULD happen & that NEED to happen....hopefully I can just keep wading through until I get to the other end for right now. (Note: not my ideal approach. I'm a firm believer in enjoying the journey for what it is. I'm not really accomplishing that right now, I've recognized it & am ready to flip the bird to anyone with an issue. Decisions have been made, it's just a little bit of time before I can put things in motion....)



I so look forward to not feeling sad & lonely any more. I look forward to putting more effort into feeling good at the end of the day, for me & for everyone else that has to deal with me. I'm excited about trying to put the rest of the world away for those 3 days we get to be together at a time. I look forward to really starting to put effort into clawing my life back into perspective. Mostly, I just look forward to the day when I can come home & go for a run together or prove to him that I'll be a good wife & mother, to remind him why I'm bad at cutting grass but good at growing flowers, to prove that I'm good (even if not the most efficient) at laundry & dishes &  cooking, to playing with the dogs in the backyard. Basically, I look forward to the future when decisions are a team effort & neither of us is left alone at the end of the night. I'm praying it all falls into place & that happens in smooth manner & we're as happy as we think we'll be. 

There are Azaleas in that yard! Who knew?!
These things are going crazy with blooms



Still not training, was going to try to go home & run tonight. Have had a headache creep in (about the third in a week's time)..possibly due to lack of water or too much sugar (coffee & a root beer w/lunch)? Need to eat dinner pronto & go from there. Maybe if everything hits right I can go to bed early, get up early & trot around the neighborhood? (The peanut gallery should stop laughing....)