Hmmm...

I'm concerned with my fatigue level. I'm sure it's a product of 4Q, renewals & marketing coming out the wazoo, having just moved & not quite settled yet. There's just a lot of still-moving parts & pieces. Now add in the listing of the Carmel house (& the minor battles that has wrought) with the rest of it & it's no wonder that I struggle to Fridays. Oh yeah, that no exercise thing is probably weighing in largely as well.

I keep saying, "it'll be normal soon." Ha. The definition of normal, like the feeling of "home", is a bit elusive at the moment.

There have been a few earth-quaking moments of realization that this may be a mistake. There are an equally few moments of clarity that I am better for this experience & that someday it'll be great stories. They're balancing each other, barely. But note: it hasn't really snowed yet, either.

I'm good at my job, I'm a good friend, I'm a good person, I'm a good athlete, I'm a good girlfriend (though that role is currently unoccupied!), I'm a good dog-mom, I'm a good sister, I'm a role-model, I'm a good housekeeper & I'm good at anything I put my mind to. These things I know. It's normal to have a wavering concept of "self" & a fragile self-image in today's society. But it's quite wearing to repeat the mantra to myself constantly.

Less than a week & the mettle of really establishing a routine of my own & making this work by myself will really come into play. When I come home at night & there's no one else there to excuse me sitting on the couch or not walking the dogs, will I finally put my head on straight?

Rev3 Cedar Point is on 9/11/11. I think I'm going after a goal. I think it's time to put the doubt, the inferiority, the insecurity, the laziness (some of it, anyway), the chubbiness (& shut up if you try to convince me otherwise) & the excuses in the rearview & reclaim whatever parts & pieces of myself I can gather up. It's time to be me again. And isn't it about damn time to stop whining, anyway?