The Rundown

I went horseback riding yesterday. Fun.
I'm at work at 7p and have only "schlepped" for about 15 minutes today. Not fun.
I swam Friday and Saturday morning. Fun.
Spent Friday at the golf course. Fun.
Spent Friday evening at Mudsocks watching idiot girls (and chillin' with some fun clients). Fun-ish.
Spent the rest of Sunday (while not on a horse) on the couch. Boring.
Planted wee-bushes/trees and mums on Saturday. Dirty, but fun.
Went to the Colts Kickoff Luncheon today. Lunched with Lance Bell (I think). Fun.
Am trying to figure out how to NOT work 12 hour days this week and still deliver the deliverables. NOT fun.
Trying to make things right with the Moms. Not fun.
Trying to not bitch endlessly about work.
Last softball game tomorrow night. Bar after. Fun.
IMLou this weekend. Fun.
Have seen DM once in about 2 weeks. Not fun.
Am debating if relationships are worth it. Way not fun.
Am trying to figure out how stress, food, sleep and toilet paper are related in my life. Interesting, but not fun.
Have been listening to endless office gossip about above-mentioned idiot. Not fun.
Putting off grocery shopping - no money. Not fun.
Have been thinking about golf lessons and the upcoming fall & birthday. Fun.
10 year reunion in one month. Fun!
Must stop eating for above. Not fun.
Still haven't picked up the vaccum at Cleary's. NOT FUN.

I want to go home. But I have to finish the Resolution log one more time. Need to update the timeline and get the comparison to print out right. Then, I can MAYBE start on what NEEDED to be done today. It's 7:05p, do you know where your evening is going?

So here's my plan...

...you do a HIM, you suck at it and feel miserably about your performance. You do NOTHING (except two halfway decent swims) for two full weeks and then you go to the Club Championships (an Oly-ish) and you pop out your last race of the year.

And you enjoy the hell out of it.

• You may find out on the way down there that there's mountains in them thar hills...
• You may drop your nutrition w/in the first 5 minutes on the bike...
• Your bus may almost be late and your entire team goes running into transition with 40min to "go"...
• You may feel like the air is dripping, and 90+degrees....
• You may take one look at the "river" (read: gigantic debris field you'll be slogging through) and nearly puke...
• You may ask aloud after a cannon goes off "Was that for us?" and then decide what the hell and dive in...
• You may have to throw a punch (or two) while swimming, to one of your neighbors....
• You may even have to get a slight push up the hill (or two) from one of your teammates...
• You may even run out of gears for what feels like miles and still only have a 17mph avg...
• You may nearly pass out on top of the levy and roll into said river never to be found again...
• You may get panicky once (only once!) while going downhill and without reason grab onto your brakes...
• Your roommate may have stopped 1/2 through the run (because he thought he was done) and then start again 2min later...
• Your friend may have broken nearly every bike part he had...and still finish (with you, nonetheless)...
• Another teammate may have gone skidding along the road on his tail and shoulder, tangled with another idiot who can't hold a line (read: triathlete)....
• You may, once again, wear almost as much Gu2O as you drink....
• You may watch a quiet, 19year-old basketball-playing punk FLY by you going up a massive hill like you're sitting still (oh, and it's his first race...and his dad just went skidding by on his butt)....
• You may even rock out the #14 swim time out of 116 and STILL feel slow....
• You may spend 1:24:42 throwing up in your mouth and sweating mud while cussing your bike gears (again)....
• But you may also get a *free* "mud mask" at a race....
• And you may wind up bathing in a fountain between two government buildings with your old roommate while half-clothed in the middle of a town while chit-chatting....
• You may even, if you're lucky enough, have someone say to you as you walk up to a swim start, "Be careful and walk slow, there's some glass around here...."
• And you may even take a log to the forehead during the .78mi swim...

But you'll enjoy it anyway. After a season of perceived disappointments and giving up, with one bright spot in a race that I historically flop, I had a good day. I'm not thrilled with the time, I didn't feel all that spectacular, and I debated having a chat with the paramedics afterward. And the race was pretty much pure chaos for most of the time we were there....But you know what? I had some fun people at that race with me. I realized, yet again, while it may be an individual sport, but it's a helluva lot more fun with a team. There are people to giggle with as you run by, people to cheer for you when you don't know your own name. There are people to push you up hills, pat you on the butt as they ride by, and drag you along for the last 1/2 mi. There are plenty of people to get beer for, to hand beer to, to yell for if (IF) they win a raffle prize, and people to cut a too-tight hairtie out of your hair. These are your friends.

There are good people everywhere in our sport. They aren't hard to find. If you can shove a bunch of them on a bus (that may or may not have a properly operating door, zipping down the interstate opening itself every once in awhile), put a huge cooler of beer in the bottom of the bus, give them pizza and throw them all into a hotel, I can just about guarantee you'll have a good time.

(Oh, and if you can throw in the opportunity for the ONE black/African/French-speaking guy in all of triathlon to hop out in the middle of Kentucky to stop traffic and guide the bus through a huge tunnel, get lost a couple of times, scare the crap out of some Subway folks in Ohio - I think it was Ohio - and, AND outparty the family reuinion in the hotel lobby....you'll get a few more laughs, too. Just make sure someone can tell the bus driver which way to turn to get back to the cars.)

These are MY people, and I'm so lucky to have them all.

Steelhead RR

I need to go ahead and go through this. I've been putting it off becuase it wasn't a "shining moment" of mine. But I need to relive it and go through it to learn from it to try to prevent the bad parts from happening again....

So..Steelhead, my first M-Dot branded event. It's somewhat of a pilgrimmage from Indy for a ton of people to this race every year. It's a big-ticket day that's close enough to really get to, known for a fast course without too many challenges and some great scenery. Having completed to half-Irons last year, and Muncie again this year (DNF notwitstanding, I was there damnit), I figured that while planning this year I wanted something BIG on the docket. This was to be MY year...where I hit the plans and really trained consistently and solidly throughout the summer to really show up to play at these things. (HA...little did I know...) That strategy may have gotten derailed a bit as I sailed upside-down through the air with my bike in pieces above me...I've struggled this summer, with training consistently and injury, motivation and just really finding the ability to enjoy the sport. But...when you've already signed up and paid the money - you've gotta show up.

We (NB, NC and I - KS following in the Red Baron what turned out to be HOURS later) drove up mid-day on Friday. A quick stop to adjust the bikes at a surprisingly busy sweet corn stand at a church two very aero bikes going a quick-step/chacha on the last 2 rungs of the rack was making me nervous. Got to the expo with little problem (finding a certain Cervelo strapped to the back of a car in Kokomo to follow helped) and proceeded to meander for awhile. Not a bad expo - and I've seen me some expos - with everything pretty well laid-out and available. Course briefing, race talks, packet pick-up & food all in one spot? Heck yeah. There was the obligatory M-Dot merch. - the amount of merchandise kind of makes me nauseous, it's a marketing machine and I think it almost takes the emphasis off the race itself - BUT I GOT THE T-SHIRT MOM?!!! But that's my own person axe-grinding mission. Nice dinner at Tosi's (note: NOT Tosi's Cafe....go 5 miles downstream) w/the Runner's Forum crew and to bed we went.

Ramada in Watervliet, MI is a scary, scary place. Rooms are nice & the water park sounds like fun. The lobby, however, with it's Safari theme & all the dead heads on the wall (not to mention the accompanying pictures of the kill) is a bit much. While not as offended as some, it's still creepy to me. The other annoyance is the group of people hanging out drinking beer & smoking cigarettes right below our window at about 2:30a. I don't like being an ass - but I had to call and ask someone from the front desk to tell them to shut the hell up. This, however, was the good alternative to my initial idea of opening the window & dumping the ice bucket and beer from our room on their heads. I felt it a solid compromise. Anyway, I slept like hell. Good tidings for the wakeup call at 4a.

Got to the race without too much incident, transition set-up fairly seamless (though it appeared even more of a catastrophuck than Chicago's transition chaos). Note to organizers: might consider widening the aisles just a smidge, when someone can't stand on either side and still have a bike squeeze down the middle, it's a bit close. Though that did make for a couple of funny moments in transition - rolling my bike along over wetsuits, clothes, shoes, gus, etc. No one told me there was a balance challenge involved. Started the hike down the beach for the swim start. Wound up cutting the time just a bit close and running from where we were standing to the water's edge with about a minute to spare, but it was all good. Gun goes off and let the fun day begin...

Swim: I got a bit beat up. The waves coming in at an angle were easy to keep an eye on and body surf a bit. I was hanging on the outside of the pack, pacing really well with another girl. Note to self: when keeping an eye on waves, one might also consider the push/pull affect of this - otherwise bumping & almost kissing a chick as you swim along side-by-side can be a bit awkward (though would make for a PHENOMENAL race story). Swimming towards the sun in some reasonably large waves (with red goggles) made the buoys a bit hard to spot. I just kept remembering that the turn buoy was yellow & the rest were orange. Only hard part was that they all looked yellow to me until I was right on top of them. I turned early once, cut directly across the pack of swimmers (sorry girls) and just made an ass of myself. Getting that time back was a bit difficult, but I spent the rest of the swim on the inside aiming directly for the buoys. I probably swam 1.5mi total. Sheesh. At least no chafing from the wetsuit and the water was clear. Oh, and the beach run up to T1 wasn't too bad...just long as hell. Swim: :30:52 (incl. run to T1, was out of the water around/under :29)

T1 - not bad, fairly quick. Wetsuit slid off, threw over rack. Shoes went on, wasn't entirely clear where to go with the bike but followed the herd and whaddaya know - they were right. Hopped on bike and away I went. T1: 3:32 (ouch...not sure where all the time came from other than running from end to end.)

Bike - I hate Michigan. It's a beautiful state, almost everyone I've met is nice, and I have nothing against it as a whole really - except they have shit roads. Seriously...someone needs to take the MDOT to a course on "How to pave". I got the hell beat out of me for about 45 miles. I'm fairly sensitive to getting beat up on the bike (between Saddle Quest 2009 and riding 21mm tires....I'm a tad touchy and sensitive here) and just absolutely lost most of my will to live in the middle of this course. The sun was out, it wasn't too hot and the wind wasn't really bothering me (at that point) so I could have really enjoyed it - except my teeth were rattling, my crotch was burning, and I was soaked (LITERALLY DRIPPING) with Gu2O & water. My rear bottle cages immediately rattled loose (again...PIECE OF SHIT), my aero bars moved...I just couldn't get and stay comfortable. Mixing the bottles become a freaking nightmare and I had forgotten at the beginning of the day to put the rubber bands on the aerobottle too. That might've helped a bit, or it might've just made the thing rattle with the bike more and slosh even more onto me. I don't know, but I know that I didn't get enough calories or hydration on the last 1/2 of the bike course becuase I couldn't hold still enough to put the fluid in the bottle and not on me. This was a HUGE issue (not the calories, the rattling) for me. It got in my head and just derailed the whole race.

When I pulled out of T1 I could tell there was a bit of a breeze picking up, but it didn't seem too bad. I could tell throughout the bike that it was getting a bit heavier, but about the first 3/4 of the bike is with or across the wind (out of the SSW). It's also fairly flat-ish. By that I mean it's not freaking flat at all - but nothing is too out of control. There's a couple small guys where I was able to hop out of my saddle, which was ok becuase it felt good to change up the position a bit and stretch. Mostly it's just a gentle but constant change in elevation. Then you make the turn back onto the highway (I believe MI-13?). Welcome to my hell.

These are hills. They're not steep, most of them aren't super-long (by Silverman comparison), they're actually pretty great road, and on an ordinary day they might be great for training...if it wasn't A)a race, B) the prior 40mi of shit-chatter pavement, C) the 20-25mph direct headwind. Silverman, is that you???? The headwind from hell proceeded to remove all optimism that the shit-pavement had left behind. Slightly encouraged that I still seem to be fairly comparable in the long, grinding hill category with most - I was still passing quite a few people, albeit much slower than in the first few miles headed the other direction on this road. I just kept hearing good, old E-Berger in my ear saying the old college-riding mantras, "Riding on windy days is what makes you a good rider. Don't panic about the speed, don't push too hard, concentrate on good form and consistent effort. Pedal smooth circles and keep your body quiet. Windy days is when training pays off." I repeated that quite a bit, before I just started cussing (eff this, eff, Michigan, eff Steelhead, eff triathlon, effin wind, effin incompetent pavement, effin shins, screw it all). Anyway...that wind just ripped me of my drive and ambition when it came to Steelhead. I would guess that the first 10 - 15 mi of the bike were great as far as speed and effort and power went. The last 15 had quite a few moments where I looked down and saw 6-8mph on my bike computer. IN A FREAKING RACE. Urg.

I made a saddle-height adjustment earlier that week (on the one pre-race ride I did on the new saddle - the only one I did in the entire week and a half pre-race...oops) back very close to where the post was marked from my 'Duza and the fit last year. Voila - seems like a lot of my missing power came back. I think that saved (what little I was saved) me on the hills. However, the unintended part of this is that I've spent all season training in a sub-par position - with quads, glutes and hams all doing the bike work. Lifting myself back into a good aero-position shifts all the bike work to my quads, saving the glutes and hams for the run. This spells good things for running - but not great things for a hilly ride at race-pace (which resembled snail pace at the end, but whatever). Note to self: DUMBASS - don't make pre-race changes that haven't been trained on, even if they are for the best. It might've been smarter for me to drop my saddle back down a bit until I could put more quality time in that position. Maybe would've had the same result though, since the run went to shit anyway....Nutrition on the bike was so-so. Gel/hr philosophy still works, bottle/hr works well, too. ~225 calories or so makes my body fairly happy. Bike: 3:02:44

T2 - came rolling in through the park entrance just ready to be done. Figured a short distance back to T....I clearly missed a bit of that headed in when it was still dark. I felt like I was in the "chutes" forever! Ran right past my transition zone by a bit....no big deal. Got bike put back, shoes off and whatnot. Wasn't really hurrying (time clearly shows that). Took the time to drink a bit, get a couple of salt tabs out, tuck gels and put on hats and apparently took a nap and had a nice tea party as well...T2: 5:15

Run - About halfway through the bike leg I could've told you the run wasn't going to go well. Getting the crap beat out of me in previous races has made for a bit of a choppy stomach. Gulped down a bit of water and 2 salt tabs headed out of T2, gel not too much later. (Remember that caloric deficiency on the bike? Yeah....) Just felt pretty cruddy in general. Tried to get the HR down a bit and just relax. I've done this long enough to know the first 1-1.5mi sucks. I generally try to just stay calm and not think about it. There's a fairly impressive hill at about .9mi on this course. Up until that point - while my shins were tightening up - I was in a decent rhythm nonetheless. Hit the hill and got to watch some of the pros coming in - that was nice. Anyway...the hill sapped me and I figured it might be a good idea to walk up the hill. It's a long run and this is mile 1, you know? So I'm doing some breathing, watching the pros, trying to relax. Get to the top and start chugging along again. Then starts the typical parade of people ripping by me,demoralizing. My head wasn't in the game - I was aggravated from the bike and just didn't feel good. I let it get to me and just pretty much gave up. Was floundering a bit, right shin just kept getting tighter and tighter. (left one, which is where the issue was at Muncie, was just freaking fine, damnit)

Just shy of mile 2, my New Friend Mary came along (#51). Mary was in wave 3, wasn't having the best day either, but Mary's a freaking miracle. I think this was Mary's 4th Steelhead. She's headed up to Madison for IMMOO here in awhile (I think). Mary pretty much grabbed me by the hair, made me her charity cause and drug me through the rest of the race by my hair. Mary is - in essence - the reason I finished the race. She caught me (again, since I had just shuffled by her a couple minutes earlier) right after my first crying & self-pity party. We spend the next 2 hours together, chatting about kids, life, racing, philosophies, bastard shins & good friends. Mary's got some good friends. Mary picked up a couple of other people along the way, too. I never got the other lady's name, she didn't get too engaged in the conversation, but she hung in there really close to us the rest of the way from about mile 8 on. Mary doesn't let people drop. I got to the point around 7 or 8 where I could've picked it up a bit, but in the end I don't think it would've made much of a difference to my time. (It still would've been disappointing to me) Instead, I ran from somewhere around mile 2 all the way to the finish line with Mary. She said I made the time go faster. But she saved my day. We all need a Mary every now and then. And people like Mary are why I do these things and don't give up. Mary even made BM, who was suffering greatly, feel a bit better about the day and keep pushing along. Mary was, without a doubt, my favorite part of Steelhead. The run was uneventful - we walked the aid stations (plus a bit when she would let me get away with it) and we walked up the big-ass, gnarly, bastard hill (twice). We picked it up for about the last 3/4mi, and we even caught the chick in the skirt that had passed (went "flying past") Mary somewhere in the first mile. Dumb, young girl....she was still chugging but didn't look like she was having as much fun as we were. AP ran for about 1/2mi with us around 11-12 or so - rocking the Ibuprofen rattle from the backpack, chatted a bit about the TnT folks there and the season (he was there for the bike wreck). Mary and I finished together just as it started to sprinkle rain. Run: 2:31:07.

Overall - 6:13:28 - NOT a challenging bike course phsyically, not an overly challenging run course outside of the 2 hills. Both are fairly pretty and good experiences. Mentally the bike course's a bitch. Keep your head in the game over that chatter-crap and you'll be in a good spot. Me? Michigan can have their shit-for-pavement and what it does to me. Michigan can have the weird weather (at least in Muncie I KNEW it was going to rain and be hella windy at some point). I won't be racing in Michigan again until someone can prove to me that there is indeed a smooth road.

Steelhead wasn't as great a challenge as I expected it to be. I was disappointed in all the M-Dot hype as it turned out to really not be that tough. Maybe it's because I've run the whole gamut of experiences now - the tiny, fun, outrageous sprints that start/end at a bar (Florabama), the HUGE Oly races (Accenture CHI) where it's a HUGE event, the tiny HIM and full (Great Illini) with hardly anyone there, the local sprint that becomes a HUGE deal with first-timers (EC Sprint), the exciting full w/the super-challenging course (Silverman) with great local support and the medium-sized/large race with an enormous amount of publicity (LTF in MSP) and a huge pro field and the local race with a TINY pro field that doesn't have much support but has HUGE weather challenges (Muncie). Steelhead was kind of a been-there, done-that experience. I felt it was more hype than anything else and while I can appreciate that some people need/want that, I don't think I do. Maybe I was just mentally in a bad spot for the race. But between the bad weather, the bad time and the bad feelings, the hype and commercialism just annoyed me.

I won't be back to Steelhead, but I might be convinced to go sherpa. I just didn't get my almost $300 worth out of the race - either in challenge or good-time experience. It was a rough day, but that's sorta been the theme this season. I feel like I've struggled since the bike wreck - both in motivation and health. I'm disappointed in my results from Steelhead - it's the slowest half I've done, with better weather, better bike position and less injury than others. I feel like a total heel being disappointed in a finish - but I had such great expectations early in the year that it's just not what I had hoped. So...I regroup, head to the MERCRS champs this weekend (an OLY!! Finally an OLY...well, almost an Oly...with a short - and potentially cancelled! - swim...but still....an Oly-ish!!!) and finish the season. I'm hopeful that I can have a good time at this race - I haven't touched my bike since Steelhead, I haven't run since Steelhead, I've only swam a couple times since Steelhead.

So that was Steelhead....but on the bright note - the bike looked badass and the pizza/pasta post-race (although soggy as hell) was good. And I had good friends along, which always makes even the worst race a little better. Jeebus, why can't I write a race report in under 17 pages?!?!?

Sheesh...

I'm a slacker. But I'm getting through life. Work is stress through-the-roof and there's not much leftover energy for the rest of life right now. I've not really done anything but swim a couple of times since Steelhead. The MERCRS champs this weekend could be funny.

I really fucking hate difficult people. Who just want to be difficult to be difficult. Beady, weasel-eyed asshats.

Just for Today....

Just For Today I will live one day only, forgetting yesterday and tomorrow, and not trying to solve the whole problem of life at once.

Just For Today I will be unafraid of life and death; unafraid to enjoy the beautiful and be happy. People are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just For Today I will adjust myself to what is, and try not to make everything over to suit me. If I cannot have what I like, I will try to like what I have.

Just For Today I will be agreeable, cheerful, charitable, do my best, praise people for what they do, not criticize them for what they cannot do; and if I find fault, I will forgive it and forget it. I will try not to improve or regulate anybody except for myself.

Just For Today I will have a plan. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have one. It will save me from worry, hurry and indecision.

Just For Today I will get off my nerves and not get on theirs. I will appreciate them for what they do and what they are.

Just For Today I will not show it if my feelings are hurt.

Just For Today I will find a little time for quiet, to relax and to realize what life is and can be, and get a better perspective of myself.

Just For Today I will look at life with fresh eyes and discover the wonder of it; I will knw that as I give to the world so the world will give to me.

A real fighter passed on after inspiring many to stand up and fight against cancer. I just learned about this amazing woman and the things she inspired so many to do. I shamelessly pulled the above out of the comments left on her husband's post notifying the world of her lostwon battle. Susan, live among the stars and watch your work be done for you.

www.fatcyclist.com - Livestrong Challenge - www.livestrongchallenge.org - Team Fatty

Grumble....

I'm somewhat aggravated with the world right now, so I'm holding off on the Steelhead report for now. "If you don't have anything nice to say...." blah blah blah.

Stay tuned. It's not going to be pretty, but maybe it'll be a bit more positive with a bit more time.

I'm looking forward to getting moving again and not putting any pressure on myself or having any expectations. I want to get back to where I'm "me" again and can race (live) with a smile on my face.

I'm not there right now.