iPhone Fotos...a recent edition

Cleveland Daylily



Cast of "Hot in Cleveland" makes an appearance at Tower City (my office building/mall). Betty White in the house!!!



It's a weeping cherry tree that's slightly out of control...

The definition of lazy weekend days & hot summer nights. Apparently we sleep as a "family"

Kayaking on Wolf Creek, Alabama. Relaxation defined. Oh, and alligator gars.

Panama City Beach - Memorial Day Weekend with family. Was a very happy weekend.

My Action Plan....

Be concerned only with what you can control. Be true to yourself & don’t waste time on the drivel. Love honestly & completely. Dwell in Faith & virtue, both in yourself & others. Respect what is given & don’t covet what is not. Do only what you can do to the best of your ability & strive for contentedness.

Sick

I'm so damn sick of fighting my way uphill, of wanting something so bad & feeling so very alone. I feel like I'm the only one working towards it. I feel like I'm over-sensitive about everydamnthing else, from wanting to check emails to text messages to facebook every damn 5 minutes, to being CONVINCED that it's the same old shit, every single time - that's I'm just making up the happiness that I think is there or the future that I think is there. I'm searching constantly for opportunities, for light, for reasons & my chance to make a break but hell, I feel like I'm the only one. I haven't been asked about how I feel or what I want or my job or what things arelike here in so damn long, it's like I don't exist. I understand now the misery that I was putting him through when I was being negative & miserable & even though I wasn't quite taking it out on him it wasn't exactly helping things when you've got nothing positive to say or don't really feel like doing anything but whining and crying. I know how helpless & frustrating being on the receiving end of that is now and it sucks! I can't do anything about it so I just want to scream get over it & quit taking it out on me. I know that's not what's being intentionally done...I really do...but that doesn't stop it from being frustrating or hurting or making me question EVERYTHING...JUST when I want to be packing up boxes & I'd REALLY like to stop thinking about weddings & babies & new jobs & moving. Hell, I just want to fix this & make it go away - I'd LOVE to rewind the clock 12 months, to tell someone to get a move on the recruiting, that my ass is needed at home & to LAUGH when everyone else starts talking about transferring. Grass is greener. Hell, people are nicer, air conditioning works better, workouts are productive, life is healthier, food tastes better, life is better.....

damn it all. I'm just so frustrated I can barely speak or function. From the top of the world to the bottom of the heap. Thinking of finding a doctor to up a dosage or talk things through about how to rebuild trust & how to get through this mound of shit without pulling my hair out. One day....one day I will look at this time period in my life & I will realize how strong I (we) are & that if we can do this - regardless of the outcome - we can do anything. Right now? I'm just sick of being alone & fighting (with myself, the world, the dogs....whatever).

In a better direction.....

It's not all roses. There are stumbling blocks & challenges & things that just keep getting in the way. When I'm feeling great about life & the way things are going & how we're making it all work I've just run into another brick wall. My faith is shattered when I never, ever thought it would be. I'm trying hard to make it go away, to just continue thinking positive & just keep plowing towards the future. It's tough & it's going to take awhile. Sometimes I'm able to forget & other times I can't think of anything else. It's driving me crazy & I can't understand how someone could do that. However, there was a time when I did the exact same thing out of selfishness, youth & stupidity. Thank goodness for maturity....except when you have to deal with someone else's lack of it. I can't explain it & I don't understand how it could happen, but I'm trying. I'm trying very hard. I hope it's put the fear of God into this relationship & I hope there's no doubt that I will not stand for being treated poorly. I don't want to leave & it would cut my world into pieces (again) but I know that I deserve to be loved & cherished & that there's one thing in the world that I don't have to share.
So damnit. Damnit all. I will not lose what I have fought so damn hard for & what I've given up so much for.

There are BIG, big changes on the horizon that are being worked on & obsessed over. In the next couple of weeks we'll see either steps towards the future or away from it. I know what I want to happen & what I'm working on. It's up to others (& a little bit of luck) to make that happen & to endure the circumstances as they are to make it all stronger & happier in the end. If it doesn't work out, I was right the first time. If it does, then I will be much closer to everything I've ever dreamt of. I'm so very scared to be as hopeful as I am. Stay tuned.

Fone Fotos - 5.4.11

Really? I mean, come on. I HAD to buy the SUV.



Shin Soo Choo (or something like that) with a HomeRun against the Royals in the rain. 4/28/11. Thanks Anthem.




I miss being this person. These are most of my finishing medals
(there's a couple that are placement awards...but not many)
from racing & running since 2003.



This is my hell.



Who knew that these evil things still existed?!?
Too bad you have to eat ten to feel like you've
accomplished anything.




Panoramic view of the cute front yard. It's a little skewed, but the app is entirely too much fun.





Grill. Yay.